Suzanne Miley - Today I remembered

I am always throwing and giving things away. Clutter has always annoyed me. However, as much as I detest clutter, I am surrounded by it and even contribute to it.

I can now clearly see I'm kind of a clutter snob. I have looked down on people that are pack rats and just can't seem to get it together. Their desks look like a toxic waste dump site and it takes them forever to find one thing buried in the mess.

We think we know ourselves better than anyone else because we spend 24/7 in our own skin.

But many times, we say and do more damaging things to ourselves than we would ever consider inflicting on someone we detest. We believe that we know the "real" us and that deep down, that person isn't too great.

This certainly isn't logical and at some level, I know that I'm really a good person. I don't make a habit of hurting other people, and I want to make a positive impact on the world. So, why did I sometimes hear myself saying things like, "Why did you do that, you big dummy?" or "Get off your butt and do something, lazy"?

I was in a somewhat confused place in my life a couple of years ago. I had been unceremoniously ousted from my high paying marketing position two years before and was still struggling with a lot of "who am I and why am I here?" type questions. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was in the process of evolving from a person that lived almost entirely through my mind to the person I'm becoming who lives from her heart and soul.