Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

No matter what is happening around us, we do not have to react impulsively, but can learn to respond. Giving into automatic negative reactions can become addictive and it's important to learn how to diffuse them. The steps offered here are simple, but powerful. The more we practice them the stronger we become.

Tapping Into Our Fundamental Strength

In Zen we say, "Open the treasure house within." This reminds us that we are all endowed with many resources that we're not aware of, and do not use in our lives. In order to access these innate abilities, we must stop blaming and leaning on others, and turn within. As soon as we start to look within, to take responsibility for how we respond to events, we begin to tap into our fundamental strength.

Some believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn’t, or if the original closeness that existed in a relationship starts to subside, it means that something is wrong. Nothing is further from the truth. Keeping love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to begin fresh again and again, to learn how to constantly reconnect.

Here are some steps that help us reconnect with our partners, and keep the love alive.

Step 1: Give up dead routines.

After the initial excitement of being together is over, many fall into a routine and begin taking one another for granted. They assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t look as good as they used to, or decide to spend more and more time out with friends.

However, it is crucial to realize that there are many tiny ways in which we sabotage relationships. Unless two people feel cared for and valued by one another, it is easy for the feelings of love to fade away.

So many times relationships start out wonderfully and everyone is thrilled. So many times relationships start out wonderfully and everyone is delighted. The person feels as though they've found " the one. Then has time passes, many begin to wonder whee the love has gone. It is easy to feel lost, confused and disappointed when this happens.

Most do not know what went wrong or how to correct the misunderstandings that have arisen. They are not aware of what steps need to be taken to make things right again.

It seems to many that love is a mystery. Even though they are trying as hard as they can, often unexpected obstalces arise in the relationship causing confusion about what has gone on.

Tremendous amounts of time, energy and emotion are then wasted. In some cases, relationships are de-railed. None of this is necessary.

Stop a moment and think about it. You would never try to build a building without first having an architect’s plan. Without a strong foundation, any passing storm would easily knock the building down. The same is true of relationships.