How To Keep The Love Alive In Your Relationship

Some believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn’t, or if the original closeness that existed in a relationship starts to subside, it means that something is wrong. Nothing is further from the truth. Keeping love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to begin fresh again and again, to learn how to constantly reconnect.

Here are some steps that help us reconnect with our partners, and keep the love alive.

Step 1: Give up dead routines.

After the initial excitement of being together is over, many fall into a routine and begin taking one another for granted. They assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t look as good as they used to, or decide to spend more and more time out with friends.

However, it is crucial to realize that there are many tiny ways in which we sabotage relationships. Unless two people feel cared for and valued by one another, it is easy for the feelings of love to fade away.

Break out of old routines. Snap out of ruts. Take time to plan exciting, romantic, delicious times to spend together. Even if it’s just for a little while. Dedicate time to the relationship that nothing can interrupt. This is a sacred time for the two of you, and during it do what makes both of you feel most valued and fulfilled.

Step 2:Take Charge of How You Perceive Your Partner Each Day

The good feelings between partners are heightened by the way in which they view one another. Do you view him as a hero? Someone you can look up to and respect? Or are you mostly dwelling upon his faults? After a relationship has gone on for a while it is easy to begin to look at what's missing in your partner, rather than what's there. This is a sure-fire technique for putting out the fire..

Remember, when you first fell in love, you only saw the best about that person and focused on how wonderful they were. If you want to keep the love alive, keep that going consciously.

Here are two exercises to help. Get a personal notebook to record your experiences and feelings in. Read it from time to time. Dedicate a certain time each day to the relationship and what is possible between the two of you..

Exercise A – How You See Your Partner

Take some time and write down a description of how you see your partner. Who is he/she to you now? How do you feel about him? Write this down without censoring your thoughts and feelings.

Then, write down how you saw him when you first met, and how you felt about him then. See how your feelings of closeness are affected by the way you are perceiving the person today. The way in which you perceive your partner is totally within your control. You can have the most beautiful person in front of you, but if you do not see it, it is of no avail.

Consciously view your partner in a way that is similar to the way you did in the beginning. They will feel the effects of this, and begin responding in kind.

Exercise B – Stop Pushing Him/Her Away

There are many, little things we do (consciously and unconsciously) that push our partners away. Many are afraid of intimacy and do a great deal to short circuit it. Take a little while to write down ways in which you push him away. This is not to blame yourself, but to become aware of the times when you are not actually inviting closeness, but putting on the brakes.

Now, decide to change the way you behave. Each day take one item on your list (the way you’ve pushed him away) and do the opposite. For example, rather than criticizing him in public, say nice things about him with friends. A few small actions can have huge effects.

Step 2: Understanding Hidden Expectations

There is nothing that can cause us to disconnect from each other as much as expectations that have been unfulfilled. We all enter relationships with many kinds of expectations,some we are aware of, others not. There is nothing that causes more disappointment than our expectations not being met. Take a moment to become aware of what you are secretly demanding of your partner. Is it possible for him to fulfill these needs? Does he want the same thing from the relationship?

More often than not, it is our unfulfilled expectations, not the other person, which make us upset. In order to feel close and satisfied in a relationship, a crucial step is making sure your expectations can be met. See how your expectations align with the person you’re with. Also take time to see if anyone can fulfill them? Are these expectations realistic or simply childhood dreams you are still carrying with you?

Exercise C –- Letting Him Fulfill Your Dreams

Become aware off which expectations of yours your partner does meet. Now see if you are willing to be satisfied with that. Can you find a way to feel grateful for what you are receiving? Sometimes just deciding that what your partner offers is good enough, can allow the love to re-ignite once again.

Now,, let him know that he’s making you happy. Most people deeply need to know that they are meaningful to you.

Step 3: Collecting Positive Memories

Positive memories are like little treasures that we can collect and draw upon. They remind us of moments of understanding, happiness and love that has been shared. They also point to what is possible in the future. Positive memories build faith, both in ourselves, our partners and in love.

Often as relationships go forward, rather than return to our positive memories, the mind seems to dwell upon what has gone wrong, ways in which we’ve been disappointed, and ways to protect ourselves from hurting again. This unfortunate tendency builds walls and defenses that cause distance between ourselves and our partners and cause love to fade.

Exercise: Collecting Positive Memories

It is a lot of fun to spend time writing down (and remembering) all that was good and fulfilling between you and your partner. It’s useful to actually write this down because it’s very easy for memories to slide away or become distorted. Spend time writing down everything wonderful you shared.

Then, if you care to, you can find an object that represents each wonderful memory, ( a seashell, a pinecone, whatever). Collect these and place them in a place where you can see them easily. They will exude positive energy to you.

Exercise:– Returning To Your Treasure

When you are upset or angry, when you are caught in the grip of a negative memory and seem to be dwelling upon that, simply return to your treasure. Consciously stop the negative memory or feeling and go to one of your beautiful memories. Dwell upon that.

This is a way of taking the steam and power away from negative thoughts. By doing this over an over the positive memories will increase in energy and have more impact over your relationship and your life.

Step 4: Appreciating Your Time Together

Another way to experience happiness is through simple appreciation of your time together. Rather than spend your time together dealing with problems,focus upon each moment and taste it to the fullest. Walking together, holding hands can become a source of delicious joy, when you feel his hand fully and feel the beauty of the walk. Be aware of the many little moments that pass between you, often unclaimed. Notice them, taste them. We often overlook many gifts we are receiving all day long, like the sun on our face, the person besides us. Let your partner know you value your time together, that they make a difference to you. Appreciation and gratitude is the road to the greatest joy.

Step 5: Re-Choose Your Partner

When all these steps are taken, you will not only be reconnected, but you will be with your partner because there is no other place you want to be. The relationship will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. The actual act of re- choosing our partners, of knowing they are the one’s we want to be with, is the culmination of the reconnecting and romance we’ve found.

Sometimes it is very beautiful to make this process conscious. You can write down and express the ways in which you wish to recommit to your partner, you can write down and express the aspects of them that cause you to feel this way. By doing this on an on-going basis, we not only keep the love and relationship fresh, but we keep ourselves aware of why we are with the person, what our part is in the relationship, and the joy and romance that is possible for us to have forever.

Read More About Ways Of Healing Relationships In Save Your Relationship - www.truthaboutlove.com

Discover The Surprising Truths About Love That Will Save Your Relationship. Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, author, and workshop leader provides information, guidelines and many wonderful exercises to show you how you have the power to make your relationship right. To find out more, go to Discover The Surprising Truths About Love That Will Save Your Relationship. Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, author, and workshop leader provides information, guidelines and many wonderful exercises to show you how you have the power to make your relationship right. To find out more, go to http://www.truthaboutlove.com.